Amelia (2009)

No, not Amelie. It's Amelia as in Earhart. The story is familiar enough, so there's no use in recounting it. Amelia is a historical drama that simply illustrates Amelia Earhart's rise to fame, her love life, and her famous final flight. There's no twist, no passion, nothing remotely interesting at all. I would rather it had sacrificed historical accuracy - having Amelia run into a pack of ninjas riding pterodactyls, for example - and made a better movie. Seriously, it's boring. It seems as if the whole movie is supposed to ride off on Hilary Swank's acting chops, but she's so awkward in this movie. And manly. Which is good for when she plays manly characters (Boys Don't Cry, Million Dollar Baby) but Amelia is supposed to be not only a determined, independent role model for girls, she's also supposed to be the romantic interest of Richard Gere. It doesn't play out well. Her emotional range is somehow directly tied to her bad Kansas accent. I don't believe any of it.

Months and months ago, I saw Amelia on several lists for possible Oscar nominations. That was obviously before anyone had watched it. It wasn't nominated for any Oscars. I think a lot of people are suckers for historical dramas because they're based on true stories, so the drama seems more real. This movie takes what, I guess, could have been a powerful, inspirational story and turns it into a bad documentary with history channel actors.

Writing: 2/10
Acting: 2/10
Plot: 1/10
Visuals: 8/10

Law Abiding Citizen (2009)

I'm pretty sure no one sits down to watch this movie expecting cinematic excellence. It's one of those crime drama action thriller things...with Jamie Foxx! Foxx plays a lawyer who prosecutes these dudes who killed some guy's (Gerard Butler) family. A plea bargain is reached and while one of the killers gets the death sentence, the other gets 3 years in prison. You can imagine that this wouldn't sit well with Gerard (yes, I will refer to the actor's name, not the character). Mr. Butler decides that the justice system is faulty (IS IT REALLY!?!) and takes matters into his own hands.

Yeah, so, there's this whole mystery about how Gerard is manipulating the system and killing people while he's imprisoned. The answer is not only not that shocking, but completely implausible. Law Abiding Citizen is rife with cliche dialogue and plot devices. It, like, totally tries to be Shawshank Redemption or something. But it's not. There are very few surprises here, so if you're looking for an action crime thriller thing that will keep you on the edge of your seat, move along.

There is some blood and stuff, though, if you're into that kind of thing.

Writing: 2/10
Acting: 4/10
Plot: 1/10
Visuals: 4/10

The Descent: Part 2 (2009)

I didn't see the original The Descent, but from what I've gathered from The Descent: Part 2, the first one was about a group of hot, young, model-esque girls who decide to go cave spelunking in order to film their own extreme version of Girls Gone Wild. The whole thing goes terribly wrong when they discover that the whole cave is infested with naked, cannibal bat-men, who are not nearly as sexy as Batman. Six girls into the cave and only one comes out: Sarah (Shauna Macdonald in both movies).

The Descent: Part 2 starts with a group of men and women who have formed a search party in order to look for the 5 missing hot girls. The group forces Sarah to go back into the cave with them as they believe she is a liar and/or crazy. Sarah does, initially, have some sort of PTSD, then upon entering the cave, her memory comes back to her and she leaves behind the well-meaning nosy bitch bastards. The group gets split up, as is typical for any movie where it would be beneficial if the characters stay together. They soon realize that Sarah wasn't a crazy liar but, of course, several characters end up dead anyway.

Apparently, it looks shittier than the first movie. I'm not sure in what way, but The Descent: Part 2 definitely has a SyFy movie quality to it. It's also quite gory, though the blood is that unrealistic kind of fluorescent red that makes the gore more funny than grotesque. The acting is not even worth mentioning. This movie is bad.

Writing: 3/10
Acting: 1/10
Plot: 3/10
Visuals: 3/10